Ever Wonder…
April 8, 2009
... why is it doctors call what they do "practice"?
Tags:
ever wonder
Posted at: 10:10 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Doomed Through Stupidity
April 6, 2009
Actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
Tags:
consumer goods, doomed through stupidity, instructions, label
Posted at: 09:00 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
SIPPING VODKA
April 3, 2009
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When
I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka
next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on
the door.
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned...
[More]
Tags:
friday funny, sipping vodka
Posted at: 09:48 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Ever Wonder...
April 1, 2009
... why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Tags:
computers, ever wonder, windows
Posted at: 09:49 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Doomed Through Stupidity
March 30, 2009
Actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
Tags:
consumer goods, doomed through stupidity, hairdryer, instructions, label
Posted at: 10:13 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
The Ski Trip
March 27, 2009
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in that barn over there. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked,...
[More]
Tags:
friday funny, skiing
Posted at: 10:00 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Ever Wonder...
March 25, 2009
... if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Tags:
congress, ever wonder, pros and cons
Posted at: 10:00 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Doomed Through Stupidity
March 23, 2009
Actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a bag of Fritos: ...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
Tags:
consumer goods, doomed through stupidity, fritos, instructions, label
Posted at: 11:05 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
Pillsbury Obituary
March 20, 2009
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Cap'n Crunch and many others.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Tags:
friday funny, obituary, pillsbury
Posted at: 10:00 AM | 0 Comments | Add Comment | Permalink
